Friday, July 14, 2006

Gotthammer's Apogetic Part 3: Fermented Drink

Speaking of sitting in a pub...

The Bible does not prohibit drinking. I don’t care what lame-ass argument people come up with to say that it does, it simply doesn’t. You can talk about the wine that Jesus made from water being grape juice all you want, I won’t buy it. Nobody in the Middle East prior to refrigeration would call grape juice “the best wine”. If you leave a grape out in the Middle East without a refrigerator, it’s fermenting. When the Bible talks about wine, it’s talking about alcohol. Period.

The Bible is pretty clear about getting smashed, plastered, sloshed, piss-drunk. Fools do this. And apparently drunkards will not see the kingdom of heaven. I’m assuming they can’t do this because all they can see is the inside of the toilet bowl. I would agree that getting piss-drunk is pretty foolish based on my own experiences hugging the porcelain throne.

I am not a drunkard. I drink.

I drink because, like smoking, I enjoy it. I enjoy a wide array of drinks that contain alcohol. I have no use for near-beer, because it doesn’t taste like real beer. I don’t drink diet pop or decaf coffee either, so at least I’m consistent. My favourite drink is either a nice honey-brown or red ale, and I enjoy a rich red wine or port or even ‘fortified wine.’ I also enjoy Mexican beer, but only in the summer when I’m eating fajitas on the patio at Julio’s barrio. If I’m at a wedding, I drink highballs – draft beer at a wedding is never a good thing. I love Long Island Ice Teas, which goes back to when my sister was working at Earl’s on 16th Ave. in Calgary; she served me my first drink in a public establishment.

I had a guy tell me once that Jesus came to bring life not death, so drinking alcohol is a sin because it ‘brings death’ to brain cells. Well then, no more sneezing folks. I am certain that some of the really powerful sneezes I’ve had have killed my brain cells, because they shook my body so hard I felt it painfully in my Kegel muscle. So no more sneezing. And no football. Or boxing. Or any contact sport for that matter. As it turns out, your brain starts to “die” essentially somewhere around your late teens or early twenties. So no more living.

That said, if you're a teetotaller....more power to you. My endorsement of responsible consumption of alcohol is the result of living under the roof of two teetotallers for 20 years. And I still respect their attitudes and decisions in that area. I don't like my coffee black, but I won't be pushing my flavored creams and sugar on others either. To each their own.

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